How long am I to wait for a simple, hello?
As these hours turn to days keeping my beard a shade of grey that begets jealousy and rage from those moments of sorrow that pierce through my heart, for I remember best how we never came to be.
….As I recall, there was nothing quite like….
Those times when I sat idle by old man Rivers willow tree; you would come and play hopscotch with his daughter on Wednesdays and my mother would drop me off across the street to be looked after by a woman who chased rest; just to catch a dream.
The sun caressed your soul and kissed your essence, my mind would draw the perfect picture of you and I; though to you I still failed to exist. Distance was the only thing that separated what we were meant to be aside from the street that never seen the sole of my sneakers for crossing it would mean a lashing to my backside that would rock the heavens.
……So I played it cool by the willow tree…….
Did you receive my candied emotions? All of my thoughts engraved upon small pink, white and yellow hearts to let you know exactly how I felt. Perhaps you slightly chuckled while sharing these treats with this one and that one, crunching away at the ,”Be Mine” or ,”Hug Me” with stronger reference to the pink one that read, “I Love You” and yet little did I know these words would never mean as much to YOU as YOU meant to me.
Tears of sadness filled my room when talks of your Father getting that promotion states away was shared over cheap beer and foreign cigars. My head lay near the vents to ensure the echo carried would not tell me a lie but rather feed me the best of todays news for the low price of entertainment.
That same night, I wrote a 4 page letter in preparation for your departure. The scene of you pulling away in the moving truck and me running after was a song on replay with the scratched 45 to best interpret my heart skipping.
Did you at least read between the lines?
We met again years later on campus but you had no idea as to who I was. This was clear in passing as my hello was greeted with silence, an awkward stare and hurried step. Just then, it was evident that I graduated from being unknown to a complete stranger in the same breath.
You would study with Jules, she always sat upfront for our Rocket Science 101. Jules rarely spoke to anyone but I found comfort in her smile right before we shared in class banter. However, Jules failed to capture my attention for I was already taken or so I had hoped.
Last week, you both were having lunch in the park; do not mind my intrusion for I was exercising before the glance. This was my moment to finally share it all, for Jules was indirectly the right middle-woman to assist and I would go in for the score!
I played it smooth by the willow tree, for that was my….THING, you know?
I watched as Jules entertained you for what seemed to be an eternity while my nerves were being mustered. In that moment, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes in search of the, “How to talk to a Woman” guide but it was nothing more than me chasing rest to catch a dream.
”Excuse me sir, are you ok?”
An elderly woman had brought life back into my day and I looked over my shoulder to both you and Jules long gone. Alas, another missed opportunity in my life.
Immediately I dashed back to my dormroom and this time I was going to write the one letter that would make ALL the difference and as I was about to sign it,
…………………… I counted 4 pages………i thought of the Willow Tree……..the Street that had never once seen the sole of my sneakers for I was never meant to keep doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different result.
The Glue of Insanity has me STUCK!